The last week and a half have been the most eventful days of our lives since Henry joined us.
None of it was planned as the year began, and a week of it was very unwanted. But it is, as life, an adventure we took on and Henry seems none the worse for wear.
Rob had a much anticipated interview at a conference in Boston on January 7. He planned a short, three day trip to attend the conference, interview, visit briefly with a few friends, and head back home. The interview is for a position much closer to home, but in the academic world the initial interviews happen at national conferences. So Rob booked a flight and hotel across the country in hopes of landing a job that is a mere three hours from home.
I wasn't planning to go with Rob, as funds are tight and flights are not cheap. About a week before Rob's departure date, a very generous friend who lives in Boston asked why Henry and I weren't coming along as we have several friends in the area. Hearing that money was our obstacle, she booked Henry and I a flight!!! We have amazing and generous friends.
This set into motion a whirlwind of planning. I was nervous about flying with a very active, mobile toddler and had to pack in an entirely different way than I used to do when I was a footloose and fancy free traveler packing only for myself. Snacks, diapers, more snacks, books, toys, all strategically placed in a bag that could easily go under out seat while the less necessary items could be stowed in overhead bins. Henry and I flew out at the same time Rob did and stayed a day longer.
We spend one night with the awesome Peris,
one night with Rob in his fancy shmancy
hotel in Copley,
and our final night with the friend who made our trip possible and her great family.
We played in Boston Common,
and walked around downtown Boston. In between, we dined well, swam in the pool of said hotel
as snow fell outside our windows,
met my old friend Todd's son,
and generally enjoyed ourselves. Henry was a champion flier, he was content to sleep, snack, read, and make friends on the flights. We were very lucky to have empty flights on the trip to Boston and to catch our connection after a very delayed takeoff on the way home. I credit Henry with that.
Here's an e-mail I sent some good friends about that adventure home from Boston:
Travel ended up being mostly uneventful today, but was nearly very bad. We sat in the plane, pulled back from the gate I think for over an hour. They finally de-iced, we took off and everyone was running late for their connections and there was some freaking out (not me, what good would that do?). There was a young girl PULLING HER HAIR OUT and crying to the flight attendants that her flight left at 9:27 and we were set to land at 9:15.
Dude, EVERYONE except for a tiny group that had Memphis as their destination was going to be late. My connection was leaving at 9:35. I figured we'd miss it.
When we landed, the freakout girl leaped from her seat and had to be told to STFBD and then when the seat belt light finally dinged off, she slammed her way into the aisle, hurdling people and I have no idea if she made it or not.
Henry and I booked it to our gate really far away, I was running in the Ergo and held his head against my chest to hopefully avoid shaking his brains. Of course our plane had pulled back already, there were two of us (well 2.5 with Henry) who had missed the connection. We had to wait until 3:30pm, that's SEVEN hours in an airport with Henry. Lovely.
BUT this awesome guy with a radio gets on it and asks the pilot through the glass if we could add people. I see him holding up two fingers through the window and I asked if a cute baby would help grease those wheels?
So I took Henry in Ergo to the window, we waved at the pilot, we got a thumbs up and they took the other woman and I out the door, onto the pavement, walked us over to a glorified ladder and we made our flight!!!!
YAY!
My luggage is in Detroit or something, but I'm home so we have clothes and diapers and I don't realy care.
That's my story and now I need a long nap.
and that is how it ended. We were home, my bag arrived in the wee hours of Monday morning as we slept. I intended to get up and go to work Monday morning as usual, back in the swing of the routine. Rob needed to go license his new car and had a full week of writing and preparing a syllabus ahead of him. We got up as usual, Rob headed to shower and I started getting Henry dressed. Rob's phone rang and he didn't answer. He said the call was from Whitney, he was afraid to answer it. Rob's friend Clayton has had cancer for a decade and while he got the great news of a remission in September 2010, his wife Whit had texted with Rob last week saying that Clayton had a bacterial infection. Rob feared that this was Whit calling to tell him that Clay had taken a turn for the worse, and would ask him to please come to their home in Tulsa to see his dear friend in possible critical condition.
Rob checked the voice mail and Whitney's message was simply "Call me back as soon as possible."
Rob held my hand and dialed, Whitney answered and gave him the worst news of all. Clayton was gone. He passed peacefully in his sleep at around 5:30 am on January 10, 2010. Our call came at about 7:30 and pretty much rocked our world. Rob was devastated and I was shocked. This was not news any of us were expecting, despite the years of health challenges that Clay faced.
We took Henry to daycare then immediately made plans to get to Tulsa. We initially decided to go separately so I could work at least half the week, but an impending snowstorm threw that plan out. We had just a few hours to pack up and go if we didn't want to chance getting stuck on a highway somewhere. Rob wanted Henry and I along, and I had vacation saved up so we just threw belongings into the car, gathered Henry from daycare, picked up Rob's and Clayton's good friend Irene and hit the road. Sadly, that day was Irene's birthday and she said Clayton was playing a final sick joke on her as his twisted humor always did prevail.
Fortunately, I had done laundry after getting home from Boston and my bag had arrived a few hours earlier so we were able to pack everything we needed, including Rob's new suit. He'd gotten it for the interview a week earlier and never imagined he'd need it just a few days later.
I learned so much about Clayton on the drive to Tulsa and throughout the week. I had met him four separate times since Rob and I started dating, as he and his wife Whitney lived in Seattle then in Tulsa. Though I'd met him, I never really got to know Clayton well. His voice was lost due to years of battling cancer of the salivary glands and attempting to communicate usually frustrated him so he rarely attempted more than some gestures and noises around me. Rob, Whitney, Irene, and all of Clay's family and friends had to fill in the blanks for those who only knew him recently. I learned about his wicked sense of humor, his natural ability to entertain and to perform, his extensive, massive knowledge of music and pop culture, his intense love for comedy and movies and literature and his complete and total disregard for "norms" in society- be they regarding nudity or relationships. I wish I'd known him earlier.
Whitney and Clayton had a baby girl just 20 days after Henry was born. Eliza was the great love of Clay's life along with Whitney. One doesn't need a voice to communicate with an infant and now a toddler. He was her primary caretaker and the one to calm her at night.
Though Clay was in remission from cancer, he still had to work hard on his health. Always a thin guy, his cancer had robbed him of the ability to eat, swallow, and enjoy food so he had a feeding tube. Even with the tube, nutrition was a constant issue and required a lot of attention and maintenance. Recently, Whitney said, Clayton had relaxed. He felt he could breathe after being told of his remission. He was chasing around a toddler, meeting her needs and feeling part of his long battle was over. He let his guard down and his weight went with it. Most likely, his body just could not keep up with his activity and he went to sleep very early Monday morning after watching TV on the couch for a few hours. His mother in law, with whom he, Eliza, and Whitney lived, joined him to watch TV around 5 am. An hour or so later, the mother in law woke up and went about her day only to realize how quiet Clay was. She checked on him and he had stopped breathing. He died at home, with his family nearby, wearing super hero pajamas that his MIL said he probably got in the childrens' section of a local store due to his thin frame.
The week that followed was filled with family and friends of Clayton. Rob, Whitney, and Clay's mom Karen planned out a memorial service and Rob and Clay's friend Jay were chosen to eulogize their longtime buddy. Henry and I moved about from motel to different family members' houses, H proving how adaptable and personable he is at every stop. Henry met several of Rob's very good friends for the first time and it was a wonderful reunion albeit for a grim reason. Clay's family was so welcoming to us, Henry and Eliza became fast friends, and we all heard stories of a life well lived.
It was a very long week but we'd not have chosen to do things any differently. Rob needed us to be there and I would not have known as much about the brilliant spirit of Clayton without that time in Tulsa. Rob's eulogy was wonderful and we've made some lifelong friends in Clayton's sister, mother, mother-in-law, and friends. We feel honored that our wedding was the last time many of Clay's college friends saw him, and there were many stories of the days around our wedding.
We have only just reached home today, and a pile of laundry and luggage sits in the living room. Tomorrow is a holiday, MLK, Jr. Day of all things and so we can rest and reflect and get ready for our routine to begin again. Henry has proven to be a versatile traveler, capable of sleep on the road and charm beyond description- probably a little like Clayton.
We'll never let him forget the Uncle he only met once!
