I didn't put up any photos of just me, sideways view and that seems to be a popular request. So here you are. There is no need for me to post them weekly, things just don't change that much!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
26 weeks
I didn't put up any photos of just me, sideways view and that seems to be a popular request. So here you are. There is no need for me to post them weekly, things just don't change that much!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Lucky
We're really lucky. On so many levels, so very lucky. I am reminded of that when something like the ruling on Proposition 8 comes down as it did yesterday. Rob and I had the right to marry if we wanted to, or the right to not if we had chosen not to. We will be recognized by society and the law as mother and father to this child, and we did not have to use extraordinary measures to conceive this child. We can give the baby either of our names or some combination of them, both of our names can go on the birth certificate, and we are both its parents without having to pay tens of thousands in legal fees for some judge to declare that so. We won't have to carry guardianship papers if we travel, and though we will take legal measures to make sure our child is protected in case of either of our unexpected death or disability, we do not have to do this to make sure our child will stay out of foster care. We can add the child to either of our health insurance policies if we choose,
I try to never take any of this for granted. I have witnessed the difficulties that very good people around me have had in planning and conceiving their children, the money and energy and emotion expended in working towards what came easy to us is staggering and humbling. The additional resources some of them will have to expend to gain the same legal rights is downright unjust. Some will go without those rights due to cost and just hope that either thing change soon or that they never encounter situations that would challenge those rights. Things may change soon, we're seeing progress at a rate that no one predicted but is it really fast enough?
In the meantime, no matter how much my ribs hurt or how much time we spend worrying about money and daycare and taking care of a newborn, I have to remember how very lucky we are. We did nothing to deserve what we have, so luck is really the only word to describe it.
I try to never take any of this for granted. I have witnessed the difficulties that very good people around me have had in planning and conceiving their children, the money and energy and emotion expended in working towards what came easy to us is staggering and humbling. The additional resources some of them will have to expend to gain the same legal rights is downright unjust. Some will go without those rights due to cost and just hope that either thing change soon or that they never encounter situations that would challenge those rights. Things may change soon, we're seeing progress at a rate that no one predicted but is it really fast enough?
In the meantime, no matter how much my ribs hurt or how much time we spend worrying about money and daycare and taking care of a newborn, I have to remember how very lucky we are. We did nothing to deserve what we have, so luck is really the only word to describe it.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Weekend o' Weddings
This is a hectic time, I have hardly been near the computer and very little baby related is happening. This is good, as 26 weeks is a good time for no baby related news at all.
Rob is preparing for a June in which he'll be away from St. Louis for all but about 5 nights in the entire month. He is presenting at 2 conferences in 3 weeks, the first of which is coming up this weekend in Chicago. He will spend 2 weeks researching in Chicago, then I will go up to meet him for a drive to Notre Dame where he'll present again and then we return to St. Louis where Rob hangs out and does laundry for 2 days then flies off to NYC for research. I will be meeting him in NYC for the second week of his trip. His days have been filled with writing and complaining about writing and begging people around him to never allow him to try to present at 2 conferences so close together.
We each had friends who married this weekend, so the weekend was full of some good friends, good food, good music, and thankfully very good weather too. I have photos to share, more to add later since everything I have from Jenny and Ned's Saturday wedding are not with me at the moment.
Sunday was Josh and Allison, Rob and Josh are colleages in American Studies. The wedding was at the Botanical Gardens and very beautiful and simple.
The Botanical Garden hosted a Chihuly exhibit last year and were gifted several pieces from generous donors. The most impressive was also the one most unlikely to be taken down, it is monstrously large and hangs above the entrance to the main building leading into the Garden. It is stunning and I have never seen it at night.
The climatron is in the background of this photo, as are a few more Chihuly pieces floating in a pond. It was very picturesque, the photo does not do it justice but here we are just the same...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Best OB
I still wish there were options for birthing in Missouri. I wish I could have a midwife and choose where I give birth. But that is not the case.
I posted before about choosing my OB and I have renewed confidence in that decision. Usually I see the Nurse Practioner at my doctor's office. I have for years, and she is very competent and open-minded and I have learned she over-discloses personal details of her life. After at least one annual visit for 7-8 years and a few in between for follow-ups, I have learned about her sex life, her birth control history, her children, and many other details. The nature of an annual exam at an OB/GYN office is rather personal and intrusive, so sometimes it seems only fair that an NP poking around your nether regions and asking who you sleep with, when and how also lay some personal information out there and put you back on semi-equal ground. I like her.
But last visit with the nurse practioner was at 21 weeks pregnant, not an annual exam. Right off the bat, she reviews my chart and says my weight gain is "thumbs down". I gained 8 lbs in a month. I know you should not gain 8 lbs EVERY month, but my god, I was still hardly showing! I'd just had the ultrasound a week earlier and the results showed the fetus itself was ONE pound. Add in the extra blood I'm producing, the fluid the fetus is living and thriving in, and yes that I am probaby less active than usual, and 8 lbs is not terribly much. She encouraged me to watch my diet and exercise more.
I have never in my life worried about my weight, or even thought that much of it. But it worried me all month long. What if I gained ANOTHER 8 lbs and earned another "thumbs down"?!
This month, at my 25 week appointment, my OB was our attendant. What a difference a month makes. She told me I'd gained 6 lbs. I cringed, waiting to hear her say that was not good. She said, well you are up 20 total, not bad. I thought she'd only wanted me to gain 25 total and asked her about that. She said, eh, no worries. WHAT?! I told her the NP had commented that the 8 lb gain last month was not good. My lovely OB said, well how tall are you? I told her 6'1" and she said, well you were pretty skinny to start with. Look at you, you barely look pregnant now. You're fine.
I love her! Then she reassured me that my back pain was normal and that I am carrying an extra 20 lbs exclusively in my abdominal area so of course my back is going to have extra strain in adjusting to this and I should do whatever works to get relief. We discussed the size of the uterus and the baby, both of which she proclaimed to be "average" at this point and not a concern. I told her of Rob and my family history of big babies: between our two mothers there were 6 full term babies, 2 of whom were 10 lbs and the other 4 all over 9 lbs. She smiled and said, "Wow, big babies! Well, that means your body is built to deliver a big baby and your pelvis can handle it."
What a positive way to look at this history! She said several times in her calm way, "You can do this" and not in an encouraging, pep talk way, but in a reassuring, "of course you can" way. She encouraged me to try the hypnobabies I am thinking of, told us a positive story of a first time mom who arrived at the hospital already dilated to 8 after walking around WalMart and Babies R Us laboring with her sister (I'd pick different locales but I like the idea!) and generally put both Rob and I at ease. Of COURSE I can fly at 29 weeks to NYC, of COURSE I should get more exercise but don't worry about my weight, of COURSE I can deliver without a million interventions.
I asked her about being overdue and how she'd handle that if I were. I know the average first pregnancy is over 41 weeks and last appointment when I'd broached this topic with the NP she was not reassuring to me, saying the OB "does not life for moms to go overdue because the placenta can calcify". She mentioned the "I" word (induction) and I did not like that answer. Most women with uncomplicated pregnancies who don't go into labor before 41 weeks have no placenta issues at all; their babies are just not ready to come. There are simple tests to make sure baby and placenta are find and usually sometimes after 41 weeks, labor starts on its own.
At this visit, questioning the OB herself, I heard a different song. She prefers that women not go over 41 weeks, but takes each situation on a case-by-case basis. She also finished this explanation by saying, "But you won't go overdue. You'll be fine."
This is why I picked this doctor!! I walked out feeling very confident and much better about everything. I'm not sure what I'd do if I'd walked out doubting myself. Fortunately, I don't have to find out. I am very lucky to have her.
I posted before about choosing my OB and I have renewed confidence in that decision. Usually I see the Nurse Practioner at my doctor's office. I have for years, and she is very competent and open-minded and I have learned she over-discloses personal details of her life. After at least one annual visit for 7-8 years and a few in between for follow-ups, I have learned about her sex life, her birth control history, her children, and many other details. The nature of an annual exam at an OB/GYN office is rather personal and intrusive, so sometimes it seems only fair that an NP poking around your nether regions and asking who you sleep with, when and how also lay some personal information out there and put you back on semi-equal ground. I like her.
But last visit with the nurse practioner was at 21 weeks pregnant, not an annual exam. Right off the bat, she reviews my chart and says my weight gain is "thumbs down". I gained 8 lbs in a month. I know you should not gain 8 lbs EVERY month, but my god, I was still hardly showing! I'd just had the ultrasound a week earlier and the results showed the fetus itself was ONE pound. Add in the extra blood I'm producing, the fluid the fetus is living and thriving in, and yes that I am probaby less active than usual, and 8 lbs is not terribly much. She encouraged me to watch my diet and exercise more.
I have never in my life worried about my weight, or even thought that much of it. But it worried me all month long. What if I gained ANOTHER 8 lbs and earned another "thumbs down"?!
This month, at my 25 week appointment, my OB was our attendant. What a difference a month makes. She told me I'd gained 6 lbs. I cringed, waiting to hear her say that was not good. She said, well you are up 20 total, not bad. I thought she'd only wanted me to gain 25 total and asked her about that. She said, eh, no worries. WHAT?! I told her the NP had commented that the 8 lb gain last month was not good. My lovely OB said, well how tall are you? I told her 6'1" and she said, well you were pretty skinny to start with. Look at you, you barely look pregnant now. You're fine.
I love her! Then she reassured me that my back pain was normal and that I am carrying an extra 20 lbs exclusively in my abdominal area so of course my back is going to have extra strain in adjusting to this and I should do whatever works to get relief. We discussed the size of the uterus and the baby, both of which she proclaimed to be "average" at this point and not a concern. I told her of Rob and my family history of big babies: between our two mothers there were 6 full term babies, 2 of whom were 10 lbs and the other 4 all over 9 lbs. She smiled and said, "Wow, big babies! Well, that means your body is built to deliver a big baby and your pelvis can handle it."
What a positive way to look at this history! She said several times in her calm way, "You can do this" and not in an encouraging, pep talk way, but in a reassuring, "of course you can" way. She encouraged me to try the hypnobabies I am thinking of, told us a positive story of a first time mom who arrived at the hospital already dilated to 8 after walking around WalMart and Babies R Us laboring with her sister (I'd pick different locales but I like the idea!) and generally put both Rob and I at ease. Of COURSE I can fly at 29 weeks to NYC, of COURSE I should get more exercise but don't worry about my weight, of COURSE I can deliver without a million interventions.
I asked her about being overdue and how she'd handle that if I were. I know the average first pregnancy is over 41 weeks and last appointment when I'd broached this topic with the NP she was not reassuring to me, saying the OB "does not life for moms to go overdue because the placenta can calcify". She mentioned the "I" word (induction) and I did not like that answer. Most women with uncomplicated pregnancies who don't go into labor before 41 weeks have no placenta issues at all; their babies are just not ready to come. There are simple tests to make sure baby and placenta are find and usually sometimes after 41 weeks, labor starts on its own.
At this visit, questioning the OB herself, I heard a different song. She prefers that women not go over 41 weeks, but takes each situation on a case-by-case basis. She also finished this explanation by saying, "But you won't go overdue. You'll be fine."
This is why I picked this doctor!! I walked out feeling very confident and much better about everything. I'm not sure what I'd do if I'd walked out doubting myself. Fortunately, I don't have to find out. I am very lucky to have her.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Moving Around
The newest development in pregnancy this week is that I can see the fetus move- from the outside. This has happened several times since Saturday, which was exactly 24 weeks. It is very, very strange.
If you've never had one of these pregnant bellies before, you should know they they are hard and not jelly-like. I always wondered that, now I know. It it hard like a mostly inflated volleyball and does not go much higher than my belly botton. It is not rock hard, you can push in on it and there is very little resistance. When the fetus moves around, I can feel some waves of hardness, probably a back or head or butt moving against the walls of the uterus. In the last week, a body part will be extended quickly, then pulled back in and my outer belly skin actually moves. This freaked our friend Mike out last weekend, he said that is the creepiest thing he can imagine about pregnancy. I can think of a few others, but acknowledge that it is weird. I expected something like this later on, when the kid is more like 5, 6, or 7 lbs and doesn't have much space in there to move around so the ineveitable arm, leg, or elbow will jut out as he or she makes themself comfortable. I did not expect it when the fetus is 1-2 lbs!!
No one else has seen this besides Rob and I, but I'm guessing it will happen again. I wish I had a photo of Rob's eyes growing into saucers the first time I pointed it out to him. Just wait.
If you've never had one of these pregnant bellies before, you should know they they are hard and not jelly-like. I always wondered that, now I know. It it hard like a mostly inflated volleyball and does not go much higher than my belly botton. It is not rock hard, you can push in on it and there is very little resistance. When the fetus moves around, I can feel some waves of hardness, probably a back or head or butt moving against the walls of the uterus. In the last week, a body part will be extended quickly, then pulled back in and my outer belly skin actually moves. This freaked our friend Mike out last weekend, he said that is the creepiest thing he can imagine about pregnancy. I can think of a few others, but acknowledge that it is weird. I expected something like this later on, when the kid is more like 5, 6, or 7 lbs and doesn't have much space in there to move around so the ineveitable arm, leg, or elbow will jut out as he or she makes themself comfortable. I did not expect it when the fetus is 1-2 lbs!!
No one else has seen this besides Rob and I, but I'm guessing it will happen again. I wish I had a photo of Rob's eyes growing into saucers the first time I pointed it out to him. Just wait.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Name that Kid!!
This weekend the new Social Security administration's list of most popular names in the US was released. Naming your child is one of the most important jobs you have- screw the name up and your kid is already at a disadvantage in life before he or she has done anything else except breathe. I have been known to be pretty mean about mocking stupid names. I find it hard to feel bad about this. Why would you give your kid a stupid name?
This is touchy, because judging names can bring out some really nasty prejudices around culture, ethnicity, religion, etc. There are plenty of unusual names that are culturally acceptable, family names, celebrities trying to be creative, names that mean something to you or your partner, and I'm not calling them stupid. (OK, Apple is kind of stupid.) But I take more of a "to each her own" about creativity or cultural acceptability.
Stupid names to me are misspelled names. Names that are otherwise common in the United States, or at least heard from time to time, with random a random "y" or "h" thrown in to make the child "unique".
I'll give you some examples. I'm on some message boards currently for parents or parents-to-be, mainly women. There are many topics you can peruse and if you want, you can make a signature for any postings you might make. Just from the signatures alone, I have gathered a short list of the most horrendously misspelled names that these parents either have named their new children or plan to name them when they are born in the coming months. Poor kids. Here is my very mean list:
Evahlyn
Ellexis
Baleigh
Emercyn
Peiyton
Raevyn
Khenedii
Acelan Caedeau
Braytlee
Chloeigh
Kharleigh
Lyliann and Kaelynn (sisters)
Rymington
Blakesley
All I can really say is WTF? Does throwing an "e" and a "y" into Raven really add some uniqueness to your new daughter? Or does it just destine her for years of having to spell that name for every teacher, coach, and potential employer she meets, right before she takes her seat next to another person with the exact same name just spelled correctly? Could you really take "President Evahlyn" seriously?! Is Braytlee really a family name if all you have is that Grandma's maiden name was Lee?
This is touchy, because judging names can bring out some really nasty prejudices around culture, ethnicity, religion, etc. There are plenty of unusual names that are culturally acceptable, family names, celebrities trying to be creative, names that mean something to you or your partner, and I'm not calling them stupid. (OK, Apple is kind of stupid.) But I take more of a "to each her own" about creativity or cultural acceptability.
Stupid names to me are misspelled names. Names that are otherwise common in the United States, or at least heard from time to time, with random a random "y" or "h" thrown in to make the child "unique".
I'll give you some examples. I'm on some message boards currently for parents or parents-to-be, mainly women. There are many topics you can peruse and if you want, you can make a signature for any postings you might make. Just from the signatures alone, I have gathered a short list of the most horrendously misspelled names that these parents either have named their new children or plan to name them when they are born in the coming months. Poor kids. Here is my very mean list:
Evahlyn
Ellexis
Baleigh
Emercyn
Peiyton
Raevyn
Khenedii
Acelan Caedeau
Braytlee
Chloeigh
Kharleigh
Lyliann and Kaelynn (sisters)
Rymington
Blakesley
All I can really say is WTF? Does throwing an "e" and a "y" into Raven really add some uniqueness to your new daughter? Or does it just destine her for years of having to spell that name for every teacher, coach, and potential employer she meets, right before she takes her seat next to another person with the exact same name just spelled correctly? Could you really take "President Evahlyn" seriously?! Is Braytlee really a family name if all you have is that Grandma's maiden name was Lee?
Misspelled names are so common that the Top 1000 baby names on the SS website actually include many misspelled versions of common names. Abigail makes the top 10 names from 2008. But also included in the top 1000 are Abagail and Abbigail. If you want creativity, you might also try Abigayle or Abbygaihl.
But in the end, you have still given your child the 8th most popular name in the country for the year in which she was born. I'm not knocking popular names, either. Some of them are really nice names- especially for boys. Jacob and Ethan are really strong, lovely names. I only want to point out that making them Jakeb or Ethyn don't change the name, they just make me question how bright your parents are.
As long as I'm on the judgemental soapbox, I'll go ahead and point out that the female name Nevaeh (Nuh-vay-uh) is one of the weird recent and relatively popular creations of what I'm guessing are very young parents and is meant to be "Heaven" backwards. A recent birth at the hospital where I work part time yielded this name- but spelled "Neveah". This is not Heaven backwards. I just have to get that off my chest.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day!
Rob made breakfast this morning, a rare treat since I am the weekend breakfast maker (though he makes most of the rest of the meals because his culinary skills far surpass my piddly ones) and he brought it to me in bed! That was a first for me. It was very sweet, and I have said all along that I am not a mother, I have not mothered anything but some furry little beasts that leave hairballs on my carpets and puke in my car, but it was nice just the same. He then sent the link to this blog out into the Facebook universe so now I'm feeling pressure to post all kinds of interesting, grammatically correct, and amusing things in case anyone decides to check it out. Thanks, John Barleycorn!!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Score!!!
This week we have gone from owning nothing baby related to acquiring a number of important items, most of which we did not have to pay for! It is very exciting to get hand-me-downs. I have no shame in accepting others' cast-offs and in fact probably have more enjoyment from receiving them than I ever would if I had to shop.
Traci and Jack gave us a car seat their little guy D has outgrown. It is practically new, and should accomodate our little person for his or her first year. This was the highlight of my week because I have been worrying a great deal lately about our ability to fit an infant seat rear-facing (as required by law for a year) into our one reliable car. Each time I've ridden in a car that has also held an infant, the front seat in front of the baby seat is pushed up almost to the dashboard. Rob and I, at 6'1" and 6'3" cannot push either of our seats up to the dashboard, and we are not looking to take on a car payment on a newer/different car. I have lost sleep at night worrying that we will have to choose between keeping our car or our baby. Fortunately, with the aqusition of the car seat (THANK YOU, T & J!!!) I was able to test it out and we can keep both the vehicle and the infant. Whew.
So about more gaining of important baby stuff:
Kendyl alerted me to a big sale at Cotton Babies and I picked up 8 cloth diapers today. We're sampling 2 different types in a few different sizes. If they work out, this could be almost 1/3 of the diapers we need and I paid 40% less than they are worth. All but one are new (CB also sells use diapers), but "seconds" or slightly irregular. I have no idea what makes them "seconds" but they appear to be completely normal diapers.
Tonight we had dinner with Kevin and Kathryn and Mike and Dana and K and K offered us several of their used baby items and my favorite thing to acquire secondhand: clothing for me from other tall women!! YAY! We now have bedding for a crib (no crib but maybe later...), a plan for some maternity clothes and a baby sling, and several outfits for little people that they apparently barely used as a number of them still have tags attached.
If we can get away with buying nothing new for this child, I will be so, so excited. Cloth diapers don't count. YAY for hand-me-downs!!
Traci and Jack gave us a car seat their little guy D has outgrown. It is practically new, and should accomodate our little person for his or her first year. This was the highlight of my week because I have been worrying a great deal lately about our ability to fit an infant seat rear-facing (as required by law for a year) into our one reliable car. Each time I've ridden in a car that has also held an infant, the front seat in front of the baby seat is pushed up almost to the dashboard. Rob and I, at 6'1" and 6'3" cannot push either of our seats up to the dashboard, and we are not looking to take on a car payment on a newer/different car. I have lost sleep at night worrying that we will have to choose between keeping our car or our baby. Fortunately, with the aqusition of the car seat (THANK YOU, T & J!!!) I was able to test it out and we can keep both the vehicle and the infant. Whew.
So about more gaining of important baby stuff:
Kendyl alerted me to a big sale at Cotton Babies and I picked up 8 cloth diapers today. We're sampling 2 different types in a few different sizes. If they work out, this could be almost 1/3 of the diapers we need and I paid 40% less than they are worth. All but one are new (CB also sells use diapers), but "seconds" or slightly irregular. I have no idea what makes them "seconds" but they appear to be completely normal diapers.
Tonight we had dinner with Kevin and Kathryn and Mike and Dana and K and K offered us several of their used baby items and my favorite thing to acquire secondhand: clothing for me from other tall women!! YAY! We now have bedding for a crib (no crib but maybe later...), a plan for some maternity clothes and a baby sling, and several outfits for little people that they apparently barely used as a number of them still have tags attached.
If we can get away with buying nothing new for this child, I will be so, so excited. Cloth diapers don't count. YAY for hand-me-downs!!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
A first for me!
Today at work a volunteer who did not know already that I was pregnant asked me if I was. I told him I was, and I was glad he noticed but that probably in general it is not a good idea to ask women that question.
This is the same volunteer who asked Kendyl if she was pregnant many months before she actually was. I forgot that at the time he asked me and thought it was cool that someone who did not already know had noticed! But then later, talking with Kendyl I remembered their unfortunate conversation. After she said, no I am not pregnant, the man did not become embarrassed at all. In fact, he would not back down and insisted she must be pregnant. Kendyl repeated that no, she was not and she would certainly know if she were.
So maybe I should not be so encouraging of this particular commenter. Ah, well, it is too late. And the first "stranger"- or person not in the know has asked me and that was nice!
This is me at halfway between 23 and 24 weeks!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
23 weeks
A baseball/pregnancy comparison occurred to me today as I was doing hours of yardwork, hoping to have a Cardinals game to entertain me while I raked, turned the garden soil over, and painted my clothesline poles. The game never began due to rain in DC. I thought of how an official baseball game is 5 innnings, a little more than halfway through. If it rains or for any other reason is called off before the 5th inning, all statistics from the first few innings are wiped off the books and the game does not count.
The point in pregnancy where things are "official" is 24 weeks, a little more than halfway. At that point, if born prematurely, a baby has a better chance of surviving than not- albeit with many medical interventions. It is not good, and there will possibly be longtern affects, but survival is very possible, in fact, it is probable. I will be reaching that 5th inning/24th week point next weekend.
Here are a few photos of what I am looking like now, one week before this kid could live on the outside. That is not what anyone wants, though. I'd appreciate a full 9 inning game!
I don't want to leave Rob out just because he is not currently growing a fetus. He has been very, very good to me. We had a great camping trip last weekend near the town where he went to undergrad, so we visited the campus . This is a photo from Westminster with a piece of the Berlin Wall.
The point in pregnancy where things are "official" is 24 weeks, a little more than halfway. At that point, if born prematurely, a baby has a better chance of surviving than not- albeit with many medical interventions. It is not good, and there will possibly be longtern affects, but survival is very possible, in fact, it is probable. I will be reaching that 5th inning/24th week point next weekend.
Here are a few photos of what I am looking like now, one week before this kid could live on the outside. That is not what anyone wants, though. I'd appreciate a full 9 inning game!
I don't want to leave Rob out just because he is not currently growing a fetus. He has been very, very good to me. We had a great camping trip last weekend near the town where he went to undergrad, so we visited the campus . This is a photo from Westminster with a piece of the Berlin Wall.
Friday, May 1, 2009
The Business of Being Born
As I've written several times, there is much to be done in planning out the next 4 months. There will be a list shortly of the things that must be accomplished, but at the moment they make my head spin so I won't bother with that list in a post- not today anyway. They are all things that are doable- cleaning up the house and purging junk from our basement, figuring out which carseat works in small car, which diapers to get, who will care for the kid when I return to work and Rob is writing, which insurance to put the kid on, that sort of thing.
But one that I feel creeping up as a pressing issue is the labor and delivery part- or the actual having of the baby. I really, really wish there were more options involved. There are not. In Missouri, midwifery was just legalized last summer. There is one birth center, and it is a wonderful place from what I hear and from the information I read online. But it is 135 miles away, and if delivering there all prenatal visits are done there too. So this makes for a 270 mile roundtrip each visit. This is not a big problem for the first 6 months or so of pregnancy, when a woman with an uncomplicated pregnancy (which, thankfully, mine so far is) typically sees a doctor or midwife once a month. But the visits increase in frequency, to the final month or so when your doctor or midwife wants to see you once a week. This would be 1080 miles in just one month- and that is if nothing comes up in between routine visits. Then tack on the drive when you are actually in labor, or an extra one or two trips when you think you might be in labor as is apparently common for first time mothers-to-be.
So that is the first downer, and the second is that the birth center does not accept either my (out of network) insurance (or Medicaid), requiring full payment out of pocket. This is the same scenario if we were to consider a homebirth with a midwife. I have not done extensive research, but have learned that a homebirth would cost between $2500 and $4000, the birth center probably around $3000 not including fuel costs of all those road trips. This is just not feasible for us at this time. There are currently no midwives doing hospital births in St. Louis. Rob is also very uncomfortable with the homebirth idea.
This leaves unassisted homebirth (see the last sentence above and multiply that times 1000) or a hospital birth with an Obstetrician. I chose my OB/GYN carefully 5-6 years ago because of her progressive beliefs and practices. At the time, the progressive practices I valued in my new doctor involved being open to every kind of birth control and reproductive choice. I'd just experienced my longtime gynecologist first diagnosing me with some issues that could be resolved only with treatment that she refused to prescribe, offering no other options for relief. So I left her practice and found my new OB/GYN. (This is a long story that many of my friends know, feel free to ask for more detail. It is really quite appalling and is an hourlong blog post in and of itself!! I also happily also share her name as a doctor to avoid.)
I have been satisfied with my doctor selection since that time, and now am happily learning that the progressive practices of birth control and choice in this practice also extend to some progressive views on natural childbirth as well. This OB, Dr. T., offers VBACS (Vaginal Births After C-Section) when many OBs no longer do, is open to alternative pain relief measures in labor (like water submersion, walking around, sitting on a birth ball) when many OBs prefer and strongly recommend chemical pain relief and lying in a bed, and she even allows women in labor to rent her personal birthing tub for labor and, if you feel comfortable in the tub, a water delivery. This is the only OB in the St. Louis area who will allow this. She also encourages doulas and laboring at home as long as possible to minimize the chances of premature hospital interventions.
But Dr. T, awesome as she is, still only delivers in the hospital surrounded by an environment that is very open to and friendly to interventions. And she is still an obstetrician, not a midwife and practices a medical model of care, not the midwifery model of care. I really prefer the midwifery model of care.
So I, as an educated person who really would like to keep this whole labor and delivery business as natural and intervention-free as possible, have to have my ducks in a row and a good plan for making this natural birth happen.
This is not an easy task, and I hardly know where to begin even after having read extensively on the topic and assisting at around 10 births as a doula myself so far. Being in the birthing situation is very different, I am discovering, and puts one in a vulnerable spot. Who should help me/us during this time? How much"practicing" can one do to prepare for something you've never experienced? Can I REALLY, truly be prepared to handle the unexpected, and who should I/we trust if interventions are needed or recommended? Should I/we be taking classes on Bradley, Lamaze, Hypnobabies, Hypnobirthing, or just wing it with what I know and have read?
I feel like a confident outlook on my abilities to handle labor and birth, a healthy lifestyle in general, and a lack of fear are the biggest components of childbirth preparation, but is that enough? Am I strong, healthy, and confident enough? Would I know if I were not?
But one that I feel creeping up as a pressing issue is the labor and delivery part- or the actual having of the baby. I really, really wish there were more options involved. There are not. In Missouri, midwifery was just legalized last summer. There is one birth center, and it is a wonderful place from what I hear and from the information I read online. But it is 135 miles away, and if delivering there all prenatal visits are done there too. So this makes for a 270 mile roundtrip each visit. This is not a big problem for the first 6 months or so of pregnancy, when a woman with an uncomplicated pregnancy (which, thankfully, mine so far is) typically sees a doctor or midwife once a month. But the visits increase in frequency, to the final month or so when your doctor or midwife wants to see you once a week. This would be 1080 miles in just one month- and that is if nothing comes up in between routine visits. Then tack on the drive when you are actually in labor, or an extra one or two trips when you think you might be in labor as is apparently common for first time mothers-to-be.
So that is the first downer, and the second is that the birth center does not accept either my (out of network) insurance (or Medicaid), requiring full payment out of pocket. This is the same scenario if we were to consider a homebirth with a midwife. I have not done extensive research, but have learned that a homebirth would cost between $2500 and $4000, the birth center probably around $3000 not including fuel costs of all those road trips. This is just not feasible for us at this time. There are currently no midwives doing hospital births in St. Louis. Rob is also very uncomfortable with the homebirth idea.
This leaves unassisted homebirth (see the last sentence above and multiply that times 1000) or a hospital birth with an Obstetrician. I chose my OB/GYN carefully 5-6 years ago because of her progressive beliefs and practices. At the time, the progressive practices I valued in my new doctor involved being open to every kind of birth control and reproductive choice. I'd just experienced my longtime gynecologist first diagnosing me with some issues that could be resolved only with treatment that she refused to prescribe, offering no other options for relief. So I left her practice and found my new OB/GYN. (This is a long story that many of my friends know, feel free to ask for more detail. It is really quite appalling and is an hourlong blog post in and of itself!! I also happily also share her name as a doctor to avoid.)
I have been satisfied with my doctor selection since that time, and now am happily learning that the progressive practices of birth control and choice in this practice also extend to some progressive views on natural childbirth as well. This OB, Dr. T., offers VBACS (Vaginal Births After C-Section) when many OBs no longer do, is open to alternative pain relief measures in labor (like water submersion, walking around, sitting on a birth ball) when many OBs prefer and strongly recommend chemical pain relief and lying in a bed, and she even allows women in labor to rent her personal birthing tub for labor and, if you feel comfortable in the tub, a water delivery. This is the only OB in the St. Louis area who will allow this. She also encourages doulas and laboring at home as long as possible to minimize the chances of premature hospital interventions.
But Dr. T, awesome as she is, still only delivers in the hospital surrounded by an environment that is very open to and friendly to interventions. And she is still an obstetrician, not a midwife and practices a medical model of care, not the midwifery model of care. I really prefer the midwifery model of care.
So I, as an educated person who really would like to keep this whole labor and delivery business as natural and intervention-free as possible, have to have my ducks in a row and a good plan for making this natural birth happen.
This is not an easy task, and I hardly know where to begin even after having read extensively on the topic and assisting at around 10 births as a doula myself so far. Being in the birthing situation is very different, I am discovering, and puts one in a vulnerable spot. Who should help me/us during this time? How much"practicing" can one do to prepare for something you've never experienced? Can I REALLY, truly be prepared to handle the unexpected, and who should I/we trust if interventions are needed or recommended? Should I/we be taking classes on Bradley, Lamaze, Hypnobabies, Hypnobirthing, or just wing it with what I know and have read?
I feel like a confident outlook on my abilities to handle labor and birth, a healthy lifestyle in general, and a lack of fear are the biggest components of childbirth preparation, but is that enough? Am I strong, healthy, and confident enough? Would I know if I were not?
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