One Year Ago...

...on this very day, I was driving to Nashville to meet Rob and celebrate Christmas with his family. He'd been there for a week doing research. I was driving with a very big secret that only I knew.
I had ordered a gift for him quickly 5 days earlier when I saw this:





Luckily, the postal service came through so before I left for Nashville, I took a photo of my gift:




Rob took the news really, really well. In fact, I'm pretty sure he became more excited than I was.
One year later, we are staying in St. Louis to enjoy the holidays with this:


Merry Christmas!!

Growing the Boy

I don't think I've mentioned much about the breastfeeding. I always assumed we'd do it and that there would be some bumps in the road along the way because, well, everyone seems to have some problems or challenges breastfeeding, especially at first.
Henry and I have gotten really good at nursing. It was never as hard as some have it for us. I never had any pain or blisters or any problems getting him to latch on. Our main difficulty was my inability to sit comfortably and subsequently my inability to figure out how to nurse lying down.
Henry hasn't had any formula and I'm pretty proud of that. He has learned to take bottles of expressed milk at daycare but at home he only nurses. In the last 2 weeks, he has gotten distracted by the other happenings in the room. For his first 3 months of life, when I put him to breast, he was focused and completely absorbed by the eating process. Now he's learning that there is a big exciting world around him and sometimes he is as equally interested in his surroundings as the eating task at hand. He will pull off and look up at me, look over at Rob, look at the dog or the lamp or ceiling fan, or sometimes he just pulls off to grin at me. That melts my heart, but sometimes we are in a bit of a time crunch and I need him to eat. That is precisely the time he will decide to check out the room around him.
I really have grown to enjoy feeding him. I find it a quiet, peaceful time even if in the middle of a chaotic day. He clasps his hands together and then tries to stuff both fists against my skin or under my shirt where it is warm.
I also have to spend quality time with my pump at work. This is not so quiet, peaceful, or sweet. Fortunately, I have been able to get enough milk each day to get H through daycare the next day and at the end of the week I've had a little milk leftover to freeze. It would seem that breastfeeding would be intuitive, but there is a lot to learn. We seem to have it down pretty well now, though. I hope to keep it up with nothing supplementing him until 6 months. Then we will reevaluate whether he might be ready for some solid foods or not. I want to breastfeed him for a year, but will take each month that he gets my milk as a huge success. I really love that time with my boy. It is something no one else can give him.

Henry

There have been so many parts of this having a baby process that are inexplicable. I try to explain but words fall short. Falling in love with this little baby is yet another example. As Henry grows and changes and learns new things, he just becomes more and more his own person and so completely amazing. I love him more than I thought possible. I want to be with him whenever I can. I miss him when I am at work and I think about him all day long. Rob and I both have a fascination with watching him, just watching. He is so bright, so alert and has been since the moment he was born. He watches us intently, he really seems to concentrate when you play him music or talk to him. He smiles at us, sometimes he makes sounds while smiling that come close to a laugh. He reaches out to touch your face, though at this point his motor skills aren't so refined that you could be certain he is doing that on purpose.
He is such a cuddly little guy. He will hold your hand and curl his body up and rest his head on your shoulder. If he's hungry, even a little, he might try to latch onto your shoulder- or your nose, chin, or finger!
I think about him too much. I worry about him too much. I want to know what he will be like when he is older yet I want him to stay little for as long as possible. He is the most interesting and beautiful little person I've ever met.

Back to Work

I have been back to work now for 2 weeks and a few days. Dropping Henry off at the home daycare we found and going to work that first day was the hardest thing I've had to do in years, possibly ever. I was so very sad to be handing him over. The days since then have gotten better but are not yet really fun. I miss my little man so much and think of him all day long. I like the daycare provider and her home seems to be a very happy, warm and safe place. I think she likes Henry a lot and that he has a good time there. He sleeps away most evenings now and I imagine this is because he had a long day of activity and attention. That is a relief to me; I know he is well cared for. Then again, evenings are my only time now with him and it is a little sad when he is asleep for most of it. On the third hand, I have gotten holiday baking done because he is sleeping! I love the weekends. I want to hold him or wear him in the Moby wrap as much as I can.
The schedule is tough now also. I am working 8-5 in order to have a day off every other week. My days begin (sort of) around 6 when the H man wakes up very slowly and wants to eat. I feed him while half asleep and we both doze off until 6:30 and I have to get up. Henry stays in bed while I clean up and get dressed, then he usually is awake enough to get changed and then sit on Rob or on his Boppy while I gather his daycare necessities, my pump and all the parts and bottles that I've washed the night before, and maybe throw in a load of laundry. I feed him one more time and we are out the door by 7:15. I drop him about 7:30 and cry my way to work. Once there, I am OK and go about catching up on all the work I didn't do for 3 months. I'm not terribly good at this and not particularly enthusiastic about work because funding cuts have really decimated some of the services my clients have relied on and I hate being the bearer of bad news- and having gather the same amount of data for much reduced services. Then there is political drama, cliquey crap, questionable supervision from higher up than my office, holiday activities that are at times enjoyable and others more trouble than they are worth, and worries about money and funding and how clients will swing utility bills in a harsh economic climate this winter. I sometimes go to feed him at lunchtime, that too is a good break in my day.
The best part of the day is 5:00, really 4:57 as this is generally when the 5pm exiters move towards the elevators and out the doors. I head towards my baby and really nothing makes me happier.

Measurements

Henry had his three month appointment today and he has gained exactly 5 lbs since his birth. He is now 14 lbs 7 oz.
He has also grown exactly 5 inches (!!!) since birth. He is 26 inches long.
He is in the 97th percentile for length, 75th for weight, and 99th for head circumference. We grow 'em big here!

Three Months with Henry!

This is probably the last month I will be able to lay my boy down side to side in his crib!