12 Weeks and Back to Work

The weeks have flown by. Three months seemed like a very long time, more than adequate to be away from work and to get myself and my baby to a place where we'd be ready to be apart for some hours most days. It turns out that 3 months is not long enough. I am so, so not ready. I don't think I would like to stay home every day and just care for Henry, but I do think I could use another month or two or three just with him. He's so small, he's just beginning to know who we are and to interact with us. He has had so few bottles that I worry he won't take one when I am away from him. I still have the crazy crying hormones, or maybe this is just my new normal. I don't know how I'm going to drop him off at the home daycare we've chosen and then walk to my car and go to work. I can't really get past that moment. I think he will be safe and cared for in his daycare setting, I just feel sad that someone else gets to hold my little guy and play with him all day and it can't be me. He's only small once and I am enjoying him. There is no option here, I am our main income and will be for at least another year or two, probably longer. Rob has to write, we all have to have health insurance and eating is good too. I am just so sad. I never imagined I'd feel like this, but there are 1000 things I never imagined I would feel that have come up in the last year or so. Surprise! Life is unpredictable.
I also lament that our lives are going to get so much more complicated. I feel as though things have been so simple for these months. Daily tasks are mundane and small: some laundry, a shower, load and unload dishwasher, stuff diapers, change diapers, bathe Henry, rock him to sleep, maybe some simple errands. Working again means having to organize many things to take to daycare:outfits, diapers, wipes, bottles, milk. Do I give her instructions on how to care for him? We don't have much of a schedule.
Every morning, we/I will have to have this ready and also have Henry properly dressed for the weather, clean and fed to make it to daycare so I can get to work on time. Most mornings, I will also be properly dressed, clean, and fed. I will be at work and pumping 3 times a day to supply milk for the next day. At the end of the day, I will get Henry (this will make me so happy!!) and head home where we will have a few short evening hours to eat, clean, enjoy our boy, talk to each other, care for the dog, do laundry, and any other errands that need to happen.
This all sounds hopelessly complicated. How, exactly, do people make time for themselves, time to exercise, time to walk the dog, to clean, to socialize, to keep up your relationship with your partner, and also find the time to eat and drink after a baby arrives? I am not sure how it will work. Then again, I thought between H's 1st and 5th weeks on earth that we'd never sleep again. I suppose things just fall into place and you adapt.
This is a lot of rambling. I am just sad. I am going to miss this little guy so much.