We're Breaking Out!

The three of us have gotten to be pretty good at getting out of the house! The weather since Henry's birth has been nearly perfect, maybe a little humid but overall just beautiful. This has led to us leaving the house at least once daily for the last 2 weeks. It is a new experience, leaving the house with a newborn, but it is so nice to be out amongst those in the "real world" since our world at home sometimes seems confining. Henry has been to Target, BabiesRUs, to the German festival Strassenfest, out for Thai and Ethiopian food (those were both just yesterday!) to Fenton and to Kirkwood to visit his grandparents, around our neighborhood in the stroller several times, and into a few grocery stores. His ideal mode of transport right now is a ring sling that the Foys handed down to me. I got some tips this week at Kangaroo Kids who make the sling (oh, Henry has also been to Kangaroo Kids!) on how to put him in the sling and make him comfortable there, and have used it daily since then. This allows me to carry him and still have my hands free and seems to make him feel secure and calm and he usually falls asleep.

The sling and the baby it contains are likely going to be making an appearance at a Cardinals playoff game very shortly. We have been offered 2 tickets from Andrea who has been my baseball game partner for more than a decade. Henry will be 5 weeks old when the Cardinals begin the National League Division Series and probably will be attending his first Cards game.

I need to post photos of the first three weeks of Henry's life. Posting photos is easier to do one handed than blogging, so I will do it shortly when he's back with me feeding. At the moment, he is asleep on Rob's chest and this is one of Rob's favorite things about Henry. Mostly it makes me uneasy because this is daytime and I don't want him sleeping too much during the day even though its freaking adorable to see his tiny little arms folded up under his head lying on his dad. But you cannot wake a sleeping baby no matter how much you badly you know the night ahead will go. Instead, you do laundry, vacuum, or blog because you have two hands totally free.

And you look over at 2/3 of your little family and know how lucky you are.

Life With Henry

It has been 2 and 1/2 weeks since we became parents and just over two weeks since we brought our little Henry home. Life since then can only be described in a series of cliches. Time is flying by and yet very little goes on. He's gotten bigger already, we love him so much, and we get very little sleep. Nothing can prepare you for this- yes, cliche and so true. Days move very slowly and we do very little. Henry needs to eat every two hours. This does get a little frustrating but then you have to remember that in utero, he never had hunger. It simply does not exist. So outside, for the first time there is this inexplicable ache or empty feeling and as a person that gets testy when blood sugar is low, I have sympathy for this hungry little baby. That would really suck to never feel hunger and all of a sudden to have it hit you like a ton of bricks about 12 times a day. Also breastfed babies apparently metabolize their meals faster than formula fed babies so they need to eat more often. This means he won't be sleeping through the night anytime soon, but the tradeoff is the health benefits of breastmilk, the convenience of never having to prepare and warm milk or clean bottles, and probably most critically: his food source is free.

Rob has 3 weeks off his office job, this week is the final of the three. I'm already missing him and he's not even back to work yet! This is really a two person job and I cannot imagine how single parents function with a newborn. It enforces to me the need for BOTH parents in two parent households to get parental leave. The first week after Henry was born was probably the most difficult of my life and I COULD NOT have begun to handle it alone. I was a bundle of hormones, very weepy even though I was not truly as sad as I sounded. I was also incredibly sore and having to nurse the kiddo sitting up since lying down did not really work out for us. The sitting was excrutiating and all I had for pain was ibuprofen. After 36 hours home from the hospital, I had to call my doctor's exchange for something stronger. Rob did so much of the care for Henry and I in that first week. He can't feed Henry, but he brings me food and drink while I feed him, cleans up after all the meals, gets up in the middle of the night for diaper changes, and kept watch over both of us when Henry refused to fall asleep anywhere but in my arms while nursing that first week and I was so exhausted that it was a real possibility that I would have tipped over on him. Rob has also done most of the grocery shopping, the housework, and put up with my weird and unpredictable weepiness.

The second week was much, much better. I am hardly sore anymore at all, we have been getting out of the house regularly, and I've resumed several household tasks in between marathon nursing sessions. Henry is so alert and bright eyed. He does not yet smile, but will watch you when you talk or sing to him. He is sleeping usually for 2-3 hour stretches at night and will usually fall asleep in my arms and allow me to transfer him to the co-sleeper. This is serious progress.

Our days begin with a migration from upstairs in the bedroom to downstairs, where we camp out for most of the day. There have to be supplies on both levels, including baby clothes, diapers, wipes, the boppy, the Itzbeen, a blanket or two, and my giant water bottle. Life is simple, we eat, talk to Henry, watch MSNBC off and on, I read, change some diapers, take a walk, maybe shower, possibly get to some small chore like vacuuming, Henry naps, wakes, eats more, naps again, we check e-mail, maybe a visitor or two stops by, we run a load of laundry, and migrate back upstairs for the nighttime routine.

I get a little cabin fever daily and Rob says he loves this. Life is slow and simple and it won't be like this for very long. Soon there will be more outings, things that have to be done, Rob will have to go back to work, Henry will be more alert and get bored just chilling at home, and things will change. For now, it's not too bad. I have never been this still in my life. It is good for me. The world has gotten very small for just this very short time.

Henry's Birth Story

Henry Joseph Hawkins was born on 9/2/09.
I went to work on 9/2, my due date had been 8/30. I was already on maternity leave as of 8/28, but by just going in to work that day, I was able to extend my maternity leave by a week J
So I was at work when I felt what I thought might be a contraction. I had not felt any before, some Braxton Hicks but nothing painful at all and no other signs of labor. This was at about 1:30 pm.
After a couple of these contractions, I started using the contraction monitor I’d downloaded to my phone. It began to show a pattern of 12 minutes apart. I figured they would slow down or stop shortly, after all it was my first baby and the first contractions ever, things were bound to slow down. I finished up what I was doing and decided to go home, thinking that I’d maybe be starting labor later that night and was excited and a little nervous. A co-worker asked me a question when I was gathering my things and I had to breathe in the middle of answering her. I told her I was having a few contractions. She insisted on driving me home, another co-worker following in my car. I thought I could drive, but it was good I did not as the intensity was really picking up quickly. This was at about 3:30 pm.
Rob arrived home when I did, I had called to tell him something was happening. We thought we’d have all this time in early labor, had snacks ready, I had a pool to sit in, we had talked of going to a movie or walking around our neighborhood. Certainly it involved texting or calling a few family members and friends!! None of that happened.
All I wanted to do was get in the shower. After a few minutes, I decided to fill the tub and sit in the water. Rob took over the contraction monitor on the phone and I’d tell him when to hit the start and stop. Contractions picked up to 5 or 6 minutes apart, so Rob decided to call our doula, Grace. This was at 4:15 pm. I was still in denial that this was it, surely I was going to have some false labor, right?
I told him to tell her to not hurry, we had time. She promised to be there in 20-30 minutes. By the time Grace arrived, I had to breathe and moan through the contractions. She took over timing them while Rob threw some last minute things into bags. He knew this was for real, I was still in denial.
After a few more contractions, Rob was pouring water on my back and Grace was rubbing my back and I’d learn forward on the back of the bathtub and moan during the intense parts. Grace also continued the monitoring and said after about an hour that they were 2-3 minutes apart and we should move to the hospital. The drive was awful, but I just knew that I only had about 5 contractions to survive in the car because the hospital was close. I only had 4, so I felt lucky!
Rob nearly lost it and almost jumped out of the car to beat up a driver who passed us on a one-lane street near our house because. The passing guy ended up just one car ahead of us at the next light, which infuriated Rob even more! I tried to tell him it was OK, but talking was almost beyond me and I knew he was nervous.
I stopped talking when we got to the hospital, didn’t say anything until right before our baby was born. Grace and Rob advocated for me in the L and D check-in and initial monitoring, declining an IV and heplock on my behalf. I was checked and found to be 6 cm with a bulging bag of waters. This was at about 6 pm.
I got into a room, moaning my way through contractions the entire time. I was supposed to have 20 minutes of every hour on a heartrate monitor and I could see that when the monitor was on, the baby was looking perfect but I’d lean over the bed or Rob during contractions and displace the monitor so they kept restarting it. After a while, a nurse came in and said my OB had called and cleared me to get into water which is what I most wanted and I could be off the monitor, even without the 20 minutes.
I had reserved a birthing tub with my OB, Dr. Turner. I was supposed to be able to both labor and deliver in this tub if I chose. When we arrived, Grace and Rob began inquiring about the whereabouts of the tub. We had, as instructed, purchased a hose to fill and empty the tub before and after our use. Rob carried this brand new garden hose with him into the hospital. After some consultation with staff members, a nurse told us that the two rooms that were big enough for the tub to be assembled were both occupied. I was disappointed about that, but there was still a Jacuzzi tub in the room we now were assigned. I would be allowed to labor in the tub but not to deliver in there since it is small and honestly I am too tall to fit in in comfortably, never mind that an OB and maybe Rob would have needed to be near me during delivery.
I got into the Jacuzzi tub and Grace and Rob helped me again by pouring water on my back and rubbing my back. I was totally into my own head, having very coherent thoughts but unable to speak. I thought of food, of trips I’d taken, of all the things I’d read and heard about labor and had little debates with myself about which parts were true. One thought was that after having seen Orgasmic Birth, and now experiencing labor that there was no WAY this was orgasm producing, not to me at least!
After an hour or so, the nurses needed more monitoring so I got out of the tub. I was ready for a position change anyway, so this was good. I stood in the room naked for the rest of labor. They were so good to me, I could not keep the monitor in place as I leaned over the bed during contractions, so a nurse got under my belly and held the monitor in place for 20 full minutes. When her hands started shaking, the other nurse relieved her. No one asked me anything or told me to do anything, they just let me be. At one point, my doula asked if I wanted to be checked again and I didn’t because I didn’t yet feel like pushing so I knew I was not complete. I think she was concerned I was nearing the end and needed to let the OB and nurses know. I finally agreed, and the nurse (again, what a wonderful nurse!) checked me while I stood by the bed in my most comfortable position, leaning forward. She found I was 9 cm with a slight lip in the back. She said she’d come back shortly and to let her know if I felt like pushing. Almost as soon as she left the room, my water broke all over the floor. This was it! I was really glad to have that moment, again I said nothing but knew that pushing was close. This was at about 9:00 pm.
My OB came into the room, I think she wanted a better view of things so she suggested I kneel on bed with the bottom half lowered so I could lean onto the upper part of the bed, kind of like a table top. This was a great position for me since my knees were getting tired. Rob sat on the top half of the bed, and during pushing I leaned against him, pulling on his shirt or his skin, whatever I could find to get leverage. He was so encouraging!! My OB sat down at the end of the bed, watching my progress. At one point she told me she could see the baby’s head and it had hair on it! I always thought I'd have a bald baby. I wanted her to support my perineum and managed to get something like that out but only later realized I was not quite that close to delivering that she was worried about that. When it got close, she did really support me and I could tell the difference as I felt the baby’s head coming out. I never felt the “ring of fire”, more of a bumpy, uneven pressure coming out and later I found out my baby was born with his left hand sticking out next to his face. Grace at one point said “Do you want to feel the head? Its right here” and I said back, “Oh, I can feel it!!” and I could but my arms were holding me up and keeping me in my best positions so I didn’t want to move them. Pushing was just as hard as the contractions but somehow more satisfying because I could feel things changing. Rob said I started talking just a little and making eye contact and so he liked pushing better. He was battered and bruised I think because I just pushed and pulled on him the entire time, but he never complained.
Henry was born while I was on all fours. He just slid out on the bed between my legs. I always hate when moms say “Can I touch him/her?” after their babies are born because it is YOUR baby and of COURSE you can!! But I did that!! I knew I could but someone had to tell me it was OK. He looked remarkably clean to me, and was so soft and just leaned right on my chest when I picked him up. This was at 10:14 pm.
I sat down on the bed in a better position, the nurses collected cord blood for donation and left Henry, Rob, and I totally alone to meet each other. My OB suctioned him before I even noticed, he was breathing perfectly and so very alert, giant eyes looking around immediately. A nurse helped me figure out how to put him on my breast to feed and that worked somewhat, though he was mostly looking around and not terribly interested in the nursing process until later. The OB delivered my placenta after some uterine massage, this took probably a half hour and she never gave me pitocin or anything else. Our birth plan had been followed to the letter which I never imagined. I had some tearing, I did not ask for a degree or how many stitches but the OB was working for a while and despite the local anesthetic, this was pretty uncomfortable. Having Henry on me was wonderful but did not take away that kind of discomfort.
We held Henry for at least 2 hours before someone suggested I get up to use the bathroom and maybe get something to eat. I was so thirsty, got some juice right away and then realized how hungry I was. Grace brought us some pizza from the cafeteria and I think it was the best pizza I’d ever had in my life. This is Rob and I enjoying our pizza:When I got up to go to the bathroom, a nurse weighed Henry and he was 9lbs, 7oz. I was so surprised he was that big! Everyone told me throughout pregnancy how small I looked and I knew we had a family history of big babies but this was a really big boy!
We were all taken to a room a few hours later, Henry left us briefly for a pediatrician check but was returned to us shortly and never left our side again until checkout day for his hearing test. We went home about 36 hours later. I hate hospitals but this time would have voluntarily stayed another day or two because moving around for me is still pretty painful. Things are getting better every day. Henry is great at breastfeeding and had regained 4 of the 8 ounces he lost in the days after birth as of Tuesday, September 8.
I think, in hindsight, that the birthing tub may not have worked for me. I will never know, and would liked to have had access to it, but I got relief from leaning forward onto people and things- Rob, the bed, the towel bar, etc. If the walls of that tub were not really solid, I am not sure I could have done what I needed to do in it and with Rob and I being both so tall, I don’t know if he’d have fit in the tub with me. Also, the softness of the bed under my knees felt really good when I moved there.
We are adjusting to life as three and learning to live with less sleep. We think our big eyed, big “little” boy is really the best and we like to watch him staring at us and at what must be a very strange new world around him. It was a birth experience that I didn’t know was possible. I am grateful it was so fast, and feel that Rob, Grace, my OB and the nurses were absolutely the best and the reason that I got through all of it.

Henry is Here!!!

Maternity Leave

The 40 week mark has come and gone and I am now officially on maternity leave. I had initially planned to just work until labor started, but as time went on it became more obvious that I had to give my clients and co-workers a date I'd be leaving. It was unfair to have clients with open-ended issues and timelines and one day I'd just not be there, and probably even more unfair to have things unfinished that my co-workers would have to clean up if I suddently just did not show up one day. Rob also pointed out that if I'm hoping to have an unmedicated, easy labor, I would start out at a disadvantage if I kept working and then went into labor one night after a long day on my job.
So I left Friday. I finished up most of my work, there are a few things I'd like to have done but it is what it is. If I have no baby or labor by tomorrow, I am going to put in an appearance at work and this will mean I don't have to go back until the Monday after Thanksgiving. If I have a baby today (!!) I will have to go back the Monday of Thanksgiving week since that will be a 12 week leave, the maximum allowed by my agency policy, even though its just a 3 day week AND I have ample sick and vacation time to take it and get paid for it.
At this point, it would be worth it to not have a baby today for that extra week off! Maybe later tomorrow?
I'm so ready. Yesterday was a day of walking and little household items. I have a list, slowly working through it but they are small things that don't really have to be done before baby comes. The "must dos" were done last week.
My OB predicted last Thursday that I'd have a baby on the weekend- LAST weekend. She knows what's up, so I must be ready. But my body has not cooperated so far. It is 5 days later and there are no signs of impending labor.
So today is a day with gorgeous cool weather and I have a plan for walking, walking, and walking. I am also going to make some overripe bananas into banana cake, vacuum the living room and pay some bills. Good times. Come on, baby.